This should be a rather short, and for this blog unconventional, post. But I find myself awake at a very early hour and my mind is unsettled in some good ways and full of thoughts which keep me restless.
God has been at work on me. I feel Him pulling and stretching my spirit. I honestly admit to not knowing where He is leading or what His plans may be. All I know is the time I have spent meditating and talking to Him in prayer has made me want much, much more of Him. I want more of God. I want to move to a deeper, fuller, more intimate relationship with Him. That desire makes other things pale in comparison.
I had planned to do a lot of reading this winter; it tends to be VERY long in northern Michigan, and lend themselves to a lot of time spent indoors. My plan was to read one particular series of fantasy books, which would have taken at least a couple of months. After reading the first two volumes I find they don’t satisfy as I had hoped. In fact, nothing does. I’ve discovered when God takes hold of your mind and heart, the things of this world don’t hold as much interest anymore.
I want to give myself in total trust and obedience to Him. I want to be so empty of myself I can be entirely filled with his Spirit. I want the world to see only Jesus Christ when they look at me. I want to utterly be his disciple in every sense. Most of all, I want more of God just for Himself because He satisfies a longing, a hunger that nothing else can. But I still struggle to understand what all that means. So instead of fantasy books I hope to spend time with those who seem to have learned it. Dietrich Bonhoffer, C.S. Lewis, Oswald Chambers, and some others I have yet to meet. But most of all, I want to spend time with Jesus.